Thursday, October 2, 2014

No Douchebags, No Service.

I know why A&E cancelled Longmire.

The show suffers from a complete and utter lack of douchebaggery.

Three seasons in A&E cancelled Longmire, the network’s highest rated drama ever. Their reason? The show’s viewers are too old. Yup. All 6.5 million of ‘em. Too old.

Like you, I figured there must be another reason. No network is that stupid. So I started binge-watching the show, looking for a clue. (The first two seasons are streaming on Netflix.) I had my answer by the second episode.

In case you’re not one of the unlucky 6.5 million shit out of luck viewers, Longmire is an hour-long crime drama set in rural Wyoming. It’s based on Craig Johnson’s popular mystery books about Sheriff Walt Longmire and the community he protects and serves. Walt is an earnest, hard-working man’s man who endeavors to do the right thing. This kind of pablum has zero chance.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty of grit. Cases involve teen girls forced into prostitution, serial killers who sell their victim’s kidneys on the black market, and severed fingers stored in safe deposit boxes. But by the end of each episode, good conquers evil and the bad guys always get what they deserve.

Can you believe that bullshit? Even the show’s executive producer agrees. Longmire is “not hip and sassy,” says Greer Shephard. “It’s not a cynical show.”

Well, you know what happens to non-cynical shows without mustached, hipster zombie/vampires, morally ambiguous internet billionaires, or fundamentalist Christian homophobic duck hunters don’t you? They get what they deserve: cancelled.

You wanna succeed in the TV game, you gotta go all douchebags all the time. Networks and advertisers love that.

Next time: Or maybe this is why A&E cancelled Longmire.


  1. I was a big Longmire fan. Hopefully they'll sell it to another network but I'm not holding my breath. No.1 drama on the network...sad.

  2. Ack. You ruined my afternoon. Technically A&E ruined my afternoon, fortunately we live in a civil, law-based society where killing the messenger is upheld, usually on appeal, as an acceptable defense.

    Thank Ghu Netflix has shown a recent tendency to pick up awesome shows after the networks give them the boot. So there's some hope to keep alive.

    (Not to sound too religious, but I, for one, will be praying, chanting and sacrificing house flies in Her name all winter just to get the ball rolling. If I know Ghu, those Netflix execs won't really have a choice.)

    The lesson here is, one should never, never underestimate the appeal of the rugged American cowboy, good script writing and the Gilmore Girls.