tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64426869358906980612024-03-12T23:53:32.824-07:00The Angry BoomerThe Angry Boomer: The screechy, impolite voice of the baby boomer generation.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-7765883063412409492014-12-10T00:01:00.000-08:002014-12-10T00:01:00.081-08:00Wish me luck.So I'm speaking at the <a href="http://www.worthshop4.com/" target="_blank">Worthshop 4 conference this week in Hawaii</a>.<br />
<br />
The annual event is hosted by <a href="http://www.hawaiilife.com/" target="_blank">Hawaii Life Real Estate Brokers</a> and promises to attract "The brightest minds in business, real estate, design, architecture, communications, technology and more."<br />
<br />
I'm officially concerned.<br />
<br />
The problem is I'm not sure my material is suitable for even the dullest minds in business. "A little thin," as a journalism professor once critiqued my writing.<br />
<br />
A better person would recuse herself from the event. "Sorry, I'm just not smart enough."<br />
<br />
But I've never been accused of being a better person. So, onward!<br />
<br />
Anyway, the speech is called <i>The Battle for the World's Most Valuable Customer.</i> And yes, I'm referring to people over 50.<br />
<br />
Aloha!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-33158449788992741362014-11-13T01:01:00.000-08:002014-11-14T07:54:40.299-08:00You're only as old as people think you are.<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">My husband & I were in Nashville for our nephew’s wedding. The festivities were taking place outside. On a farm. </span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Purchasing large quantities of bourbon seemed like an appropriate pre-game strategy.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">That’s when I met Nick. He had me at “Can I see your I.D., ma’am?”</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">I couldn’t get my driver’s license out of my wallet fast enough. “You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world!” I gushed. I made my husband take this picture. Because it was my best day ever.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKhvF_koTNkwxbUSMWIPgq_HVTNagLMz3Apr3jYqyLPFDMcRzJyt_-jSpfZBpXoLwRsVNNzZLGUPnWxDYMDx9gF-D3XGjVO9Wpt4VyS-84fUKS7nFZP3dstgGjt5m_HbxFTHud-5YYmcQ/s1600/Nick+&+Me.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKhvF_koTNkwxbUSMWIPgq_HVTNagLMz3Apr3jYqyLPFDMcRzJyt_-jSpfZBpXoLwRsVNNzZLGUPnWxDYMDx9gF-D3XGjVO9Wpt4VyS-84fUKS7nFZP3dstgGjt5m_HbxFTHud-5YYmcQ/s320/Nick+&+Me.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Then I started thinking about Hillary Clinton. She’s 67, and some people think she’s too old to be president. Especially her political opponents.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Rand Paul is concerned about whether she’s up for the <a href="http://www.politico.com/story/2014/11/rands-grand-plan-112729.html" target="_blank">“rigorous physical ordeal”</a> of a presidential campaign. And Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnell and Bobby Jindal are on the record with bitchy little jabs at her advancing age.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">This is, of course, </span><s class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Human Nature</s><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"> Politics 101: Identify a potential weakness in your opponent and exploit it. Democrats used the same ageist tactic on Reagan, Dole and McCain. Heck, Mrs. Clinton's husband used a similar attack on George H.W. Bush in 1996. No surprises here.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">But it’s a <a href="http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2013/04/09/democrats_owe_hillary_in_2016" target="_blank">comment from Rush Limbaugh</a> that worries me. Not because it’s sexist and rude. But because it’s true.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">During a radio show last year Limbaugh wondered aloud if the American people really "want to vote for somebody, a woman, and actually watch a woman get older before their eyes on a daily basis?"</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Eew, gross! If I want to see that shit, I’ll buy a mirror. (Can I get a rimshot?)</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Look, maybe Limbaugh’s a dick, maybe he's not. But he makes an excellent point. Nobody wants to watch women get old. Not in movies or magazines or sitcoms or commercials. Why would we want to see it in the White House?</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">The good news for Hillary however is that most Americans underestimate her age. In a recent <a href="http://www.people-press.org/2014/03/04/hillary-clintons-strengths-record-at-state-toughness-honesty/3-4-14-6/" target="_blank">Pew study</a>, 83% of adults surveyed put her in the 65 & under category. Thirty one percent put her between 50 & 59 and 6% thought she was younger than 50.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Millennials are particularly bewildered. In answer to the question, <i>“Just your best guess, how old is Hillary Clinton?”</i> more than half thought she was in her 50s and 16% guessed younger than 50. If I were Hillary, I’d buy each one of those confused kids a pony.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway, maybe this explains why my buddy Nick asked to see my I.D. Maybe Nick, like the rest of his generation, is just really really bad at guessing a woman’s age.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">When my husband & I arrived at the reception with two bottles of bourbon, one awesome story and photographic proof in hand, I learned the truth. A fellow guest informed me that liquor stores in Tennessee are required to ask anyone and everyone to show their I.D. “Required,” she repeated. Slowly. For emphasis.</span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span><span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">So, apparently I’m not as preternaturally youthful as my ego first assumed. Nick was just following orders. </span><br />
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span class="" style="font-family: Arial;">But c’mon! If Hillary Clinton can pass for 50, why can’t I get carded every once in a while?</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-62328311701783175012014-10-29T07:00:00.000-07:002014-10-29T07:00:08.095-07:00Sellin' Helen.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I’m
not always angry. Some days I wake up positively brimming with good cheer. Today
is not one of those days.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But
here’s something that doesn’t suck:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #343434; font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">L’Oréal Paris</span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: Arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://just named Helen Mirren" target="_blank">just named Helen Mirren</a> as a brand ambassador in the UK. In addition to being
gorgeous and talented, Dame Helen is 69. (That’s about 175 in model years,
BTW.) And yet, here she is looking all gorgeous and talented as the “new face”
of L’Oréal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: #343434;"><br /></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeUeShUqFg7Yh2-JkHf-XVmAITh7wU1_O5qBUlfijM861PGTEFJbvoVN95XiIt0KbN6kjTYSstA6LWWhK-CzQFFH0YZY91ECBzyGDdQRSNZWYyso9E1oNaBBtqUwUQsP-_NHauWjmhy1U/s1600/27-helen-mirren-loreal-1.w529.h352.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeUeShUqFg7Yh2-JkHf-XVmAITh7wU1_O5qBUlfijM861PGTEFJbvoVN95XiIt0KbN6kjTYSstA6LWWhK-CzQFFH0YZY91ECBzyGDdQRSNZWYyso9E1oNaBBtqUwUQsP-_NHauWjmhy1U/s1600/27-helen-mirren-loreal-1.w529.h352.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Photo courtesy of <span style="color: #343434; text-align: start;">L’Oréal Paris</span></i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This is a tiny bit of vindication for those of us who thumb
through fashion magazines muttering about “skinny bitches” and “photo-shopped
cleavage.” Okay, maybe that’s just me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway, Ms. Mirren isn’t the first dame (small “d”) L’Oréal has
tapped to represent their brand. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">Julianne Moore (53), Andie MacDowell (56), Diane
Keaton (68) and Jane Fonda (76) are also in the clique.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">You know, maybe
there’s something in the liquid eyeliner. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">NARS Cosmetics recently hired Tilda
Swinton for their Spring 2015 efforts. The 53 year-old actress takes over for
Charlotte Rampling (68). And Jessica Lange (64) was recently tapped by Marc
Jacobs to plug the company’s luxury cosmetics line. We’re a long way from
Lancôme famously dumping a too-old Isabella Rossellini just a few days after
her 40</span><sup style="font-family: Arial;">th</sup><span style="font-family: Arial;"> birthday.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And
guess what? These mature models haven’t sucked the cool out of the NARS and
Marc Jacobs brands. And </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">L’Oréal remains the largest
cosmetic company in the world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This
trend—if I may be so boldly optimistic in my word choice—is a great sign.
Perhaps cosmetics companies finally understand something other marketers just
can’t seem to grasp: How to bravely, intelligently and unapologetically talk to
the people who actually buy your stuff.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-7339191611975966472014-10-23T00:01:00.000-07:002014-10-23T08:39:03.798-07:00Why I'm mad at Renée Zellweger.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First of all, I’m
not mad at Renée Zellweger for getting plastic surgery. It’s her choice, it's her face. Have at
it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And
I don’t blame her one bit. She’s a 45 year-old actress in Hollywood. With or
without an Academy Award, if you look your age you don’t get jobs. So she
messes with her face to look younger. Perfectly understandable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
sad part, of course, is that she may never work again because she no longer looks like Renée
Zellweger. At any age.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">Don’t
get me wrong, I’m no heartbroken fan. I can take her or leave her. </span><span style="color: #1f2326;">And </span><span style="color: #1a1a1a;">I’m not one of those anonymous
turds who cleared their path to Dickheadsville with nasty, hateful tweets.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But
I am mad at Renée Zellweger and here’s why: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She’s denying it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well
I guess if you believe </span><i style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.people.com/article/renee-zellweger-speaks-out-different-look" target="_blank">People</a></i><span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
magazine (and who doesn’t?), the actress has neither confirmed nor denied
having plastic surgery. But in my house, if you ain’t confiming, you’re denying.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">People</i>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>"I'm
glad folks think I look different! I'm living a different, happy, more
fulfilling life, and I'm thrilled that perhaps it shows." </i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>“My friends
say that I look peaceful. I am healthy.”</i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>"People
don’t know me in my 40s…Perhaps I look different. Who doesn't as they get
older?! Ha. But I am different. I'm happy."</i></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think I
just threw up a little bit in my mouth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
Seriously
sweetie pie, you’re not fooling anyone. Have you peeked at a mirror lately? It’s
kinda obvious. And your coy <i>“Oh, is my
bliss showing?”</i> act is embarrassing, insulting and getting on my last
nerve.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trust me,
nobody believes that you simply woke up from a good night’s sleep looking like your third cousin, twice removed. So you got a little work done, so what?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just put on
your big girl pants and tell the truth. Stop perpetuating the fantasy that
beauty is endless and happy people never get old.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You’re an
actress, right? Act like a grownup.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-34880150561890317352014-10-16T00:01:00.000-07:002014-10-16T00:01:00.405-07:00The Unpredictable Power of Potential<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Zakary Tormala is a marketing professor at Stanford. He
teaches courses on attitudes, persuasion and consumer behavior. He is
particularly interested in the power of potential.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">According to his <a href="http://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Publication%20Files/tormala%20jia%20norton_b87536ee-13dd-464f-a65a-8dff3f6c5f8b.pdf" target="_blank">research</a>, people
value potential more than achievement. This creates a phenomenon in which what a
person <i>might do</i> is of higher
value than what another person has <i>actually
done</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We see this all the time.
From the rookie point guard who is recruited straight out of high school with a
multi-year, multimillion dollar NBA contract, to the junior senator from
Illinois with zero administrative experience who is elected President of the
United States. (No hate mail please. I voted for him too.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Even with the inherent risks
that go along with betting on the come, potential is still more powerful than
achievement. Professor Tormala proposes that the uncertainty is precisely what
makes potential so attractive. People with potential are interesting and
exciting! Who cares if they actually haven’t done anything yet? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This got me thinking about
millennials.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">These days you can’t
swing a dead blogger without hitting an expert who’s extolling the virtues of
millennials. (Please don’t make me list them.) The general consensus is
millennials are going to fix everything.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Of course they are. Just as
soon as they get a job and move out of mom’s basement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Until then, let’s separate
potential from achievement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday millenials will
outnumber us. Today people 50+ outnumber 18-32 year olds by 32 million. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday millennials might outspend
us. Today boomers spend $2.9 trillion a year—this represents nearly half of all
consumer spending.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday millennials might be
financially secure. Today we control about 75% of the wealth in the U.S.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday millennials might own
their own homes. Today home ownership among adults younger than 35 is the
lowest in recorded history.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday millennials might
buy cars. Today 63% of all new cars in the U.S. are purchased by people over 50.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday millennials might
pay their own way. Today more than half of U.S. parents are providing financial
support to their adult children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Someday advertisers will
wake up and realize that by blindly pandering to the potential of the 18-34
demographic, they’re ignoring and insulting the people who actually buy their
products and grow their businesses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Yeah. And someday monkeys
might fly out of my butt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-49085054970317401672014-10-13T00:01:00.000-07:002014-10-13T00:01:00.345-07:00Et tu, AARP?<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">’ve been in a foul mood ever since <a href="http://www.aarp.org/about-aarp/press-center/info-09-2014/aarp-announces-realpad.html" target="_blank">AARP introduced RealPad</a>, a 16GB, Android-based tablet. (Full disclosure, I’ve pretty much been in a foul mood since 1977, but that’s beside the point.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway, I’m not mad at the product. It could be awesome for all I know. And at $189, it seems well priced. What pisses me off is the marketing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">From the press release:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>AARP ANNOUNCES REALPAD, FIRST OF ITS KIND TABLET DESIGNED FOR AMERICANS 50+ APPREHENSIVE ABOUT TECHNOLOGY</b></span> </div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Powered by Intel, RealPad to Serve as Digital Gateway</i> <i style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to Over 70 Million Americans 50+</i></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">WHAT?!?</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hate to break it to you AARP, but I lost my virginity--oops, I mean "digital gateway"--more than 20 years ago. In fact, most of us are pretty adept at the whole digital game.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Shit, some of us even invented it. Paul Allen (58), Tim Berners-Lee (59), Larry Brilliant (70), Ward Cunningham (65), Bill Gates (58) and Larry Ellison (70). Oh, and a couple of guys you may have heard of named Wozniak and Jobs.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And then there’s this:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">--88% of people aged 50-64 in the U.S. are online</span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">--33% of all tablets and eReaders are owned by people 50+, including 23% of all iPads and 30% of all Kindle Fires</span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">--An estimated 50 million Facebook users in the U.S. are older than 45</span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">--Smartphone use among people 55+ is growing at a faster rate than 25-54 year olds</span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Perhaps it’s not <i>entirely accurate</i> to say that technology is “a daunting experience for a large majority of Americans 50+,” as AARP’s CEO JoAnne Jenkins tells us. Perhaps there’s more to the story.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">By all accounts, RealPad is super simple to use. The interface features large type and big icons. It comes with free, 24/7 customer support from live experts. And it’s pre-loaded with video tutorials that walk you through tablet basics like how to use a touch screen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But here's the thing, perpetuating the myth that people over 50 are digital dimwits is not good karma, or good marketing, for AARP.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">This is a tablet for seniors, and AARP knows it. And by pretending RealPad is designed for users 50+, they’re guilty of the same lazy, ageist thinking as most other marketers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">AARP needs to get back to first principles. Market to peoples' needs and interests, not their age.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-31046957089144725512014-10-06T00:01:00.000-07:002014-10-06T00:01:00.533-07:00The ol' potato in the vagina gag.<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">My <a href="http://angryboomerblog.blogspot.com/2014/09/at-least-we-can-find-our-vaginas.html" target="_blank">first blog post</a> was about vaginas. I wrote about a recent study in the UK where 50%
of women aged 26-35 could not identify a vagina on a diagram.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It was the
most viewed post in Angry Boomer history (which goes back four whole weeks).
And I've been chasing that high ever since. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The post had a lot going for it.
For one thing, my business partner Bob Hoffman linked to it on his <a href="http://adcontrarian.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">AdContrarian blog</a>, and his devotees came in droves.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> But let's face it, the subject
matter didn't hurt. And neither did using the word "vagina" in the
headline. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">So imagine my delight when my friend Cheryl Clements sent me this link: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i><u><span style="color: #990000;">"</span><span style="color: black;"><a href="http://colombiareports.co/22-year-old-women-uses-potato-contraceptive-device-tolima/" target="_blank">Central Colombia woman grows potato in vagina in ill-advised contraception attempt. </a>"</span></u></i></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Yup.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> Apparently
a young Colombian woman popped a potato into the oven (<i>if you know what I mean</i>)
after her mother told her that doing so would prevent pregnancy. "I
believed her," said the world's most gullible 22-year-old. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Well guess
what? After 2 weeks in solitary confinement, the potato started growing roots. [Insert "lady garden" joke here.] A startled nurse discovered the
sprouting IUD when the woman complained of abdominal pain. Loudly I
assume. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway, you'll be happy to know the budding potato farmer is just fine and will
live to discover new, less organic methods of birth control. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So besides
the obvious, what do these two stories have in common? What links do our clueless
girls in the UK to their clueless counterpart in Colombia?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have no idea. But at least I got "vagina" in the headline again!</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-3156679898621095992014-10-02T03:00:00.000-07:002014-10-02T07:21:51.474-07:00No Douchebags, No Service.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I know why A&E cancelled
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Longmire</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The show suffers from a
complete and utter lack of douchebaggery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Three seasons in <a href="http://angryboomerblog.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-longmire-quagmire.html" target="_blank">A&E cancelled<i> Longmire</i></a>, the network’s highest rated
drama ever. Their reason? The show’s viewers are too old. Yup. All 6.5 million
of ‘em. Too old. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Like you, I figured there
must be another reason. No network is that stupid. So I started binge-watching the show, looking for a clue.
(The first two seasons are <a href="http://www.netflix.com/WiMovie/70269479" target="_blank">streaming on Netflix</a>.) I had my answer by the second
episode.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In case you’re not one of
the unlucky 6.5 million shit out of luck viewers, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Longmire</i>
is an hour-long crime drama set in rural Wyoming. It’s based on Craig Johnson’s
popular mystery books about Sheriff Walt Longmire and the community he protects
and serves. Walt is an earnest, hard-working man’s man who endeavors to do the
right thing. This kind of pablum has zero chance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Don’t get me wrong, there’s
plenty of grit. Cases involve teen girls forced into prostitution, serial
killers who sell their victim’s kidneys on the black market, and severed
fingers stored in safe deposit boxes. But by the end of each episode, good
conquers evil and the bad guys always get what they deserve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Can you believe that
bullshit? Even the show’s executive producer agrees. Longmire is “not hip and
sassy,” says Greer Shephard. “It’s not a cynical show.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Well, you know what happens
to non-cynical shows without mustached, hipster zombie/vampires, morally
ambiguous internet billionaires, or fundamentalist Christian homophobic duck
hunters don’t you? They get what they deserve: cancelled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">You wanna succeed in the TV
game, you gotta go all douchebags all the time. Networks and advertisers love
that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Arial;">Next time: Or maybe <u>this</u> is why A&E
cancelled Longmire.</span></i></b></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-29484780057981623422014-09-30T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-30T00:01:00.368-07:00Business decisions & other lame excuses.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Yesterday I wrote about how cable
channel<span id="goog_707262034"></span> <a href="http://angryboomerblog.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-longmire-quagmire.html" target="_blank">A&E recently cancelled</a><span id="goog_707262035"></span> its highest-rated drama <i>ever</i> because the
show’s audience was too old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Longmire</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial;">
had just begun its third season when A&E decided that it could no longer
abide the crime show’s wrinkly fans, whose median age is 60. (The network
overall draws an audience of sprightly 48 year olds.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“It was a business
decision,” said A&E’s senior vice president Dan Silberman, as if that
excuses the stupidity of flushing 6.5 million viewers down the toilet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In fairness to A&E, the
economics are dicey. First of all, A&E has no skin in the game. Warner
Bros.—not A&E—owns <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Longmire</i>, and the
network pays Warner Bros. an estimated $1.5 million licensing fee for each
episode. With no revenue coming on the backend through reruns and syndication,
A&E needs to make its money through ad sales. This is difficult when
advertisers are convinced that the only consumers worth talking to fall into
the 18-49 demographic. It’s nearly impossible when the network believes that as
well.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Even after Warner Bros.
agreed to reduce both the licensing fee and the number of episodes for the
coming season, A&E passed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Rather than explain to
advertisers that consumers over 50 have way more money and buy way more stuff
than younger consumers, A&E simply dumps 6.5 million viewers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I guess that was a “business
decision” too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial;">Next Time: I know why A&E cancelled Longmire.</span></i></b></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-47595482628285967472014-09-29T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-29T00:01:00.351-07:00The Longmire Quagmire.
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">In the latest battle between idiots and the rest of us, we baby boomers find ourselves in familiar circumstances:
shit out of luck. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">This time we have A&E to
thank. In a profoundly foolish move, the cable channel cancelled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Longmire</i>, its highest-rated drama ever
and second-most popular show overall. You know why? The people watching it are too
old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Not too old to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>see</u></i> the TV. Not too old to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>remember</u></i> when the show is on. Just <u>too
frickin’ old </u>to tolerate for even one more minute.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">That’s right, people over 50
are so repugnant that A&E is voluntarily giving up 5.6 million loyal viewers
just to get away from the stink.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Now in its third season, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Longmire</i> is an hour-long crime drama set
in rural Wyoming. The show follows Walt Longmire, a gruff-yet-loveable county
sheriff, as he solves crimes and imparts wisdom. Think <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Law & Order</i> meets <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">House </i>meets
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brokeback Mountain</i> (minus the gay
sex).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The show appeals to an older
audience, no question. The median age of its viewers is 60, versus 48 for
A&E as a whole. Still, with 5.6 million of these geezers watching week in
and week out, you’d think A&E would be better off with them than without.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Not according to A&E
senior vice president Dan Silberman. “We sell the shows to advertisers based on
the demographics of 18-49 and 25-54, and the audience just wasn’t there.” (In
my imagination he speaks like Robbie The Robot from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Forbidden Plane</i>t, but maybe that’s just me.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway, you’re absolutely
right Mr. Silberman. That audience just wasn’t there. But you know who was? The
people with all the fucking money!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">In the U.S., people over 50 control
about 70% of the wealth. We are responsible for half of all consumer spending
and dominate 94% of CPG categories. And get this, people 50+ buy 62% of all new
cars, with people 65+ buying 60% more new cars than 18-24 year olds.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Hard to believe A&E
didn’t cut these slackers loose a long time ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Tomorrow: Business decisions &
other stupid excuses.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-63582739793719664812014-09-25T00:38:00.000-07:002014-09-25T00:38:07.096-07:00The Cadillac of fairy tales.<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">When
we’re not contributing to society in other super-meaningful ways, my business
partner <a href="http://adcontrarian.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Bob Hoffman</a> & I <a href="http://www.typeagroup.com/" target="_blank">consult to advertisers and the media</a> on the
importance of marketing to the 50+ consumer. This is a lot harder than it should
be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">Don’t
get me wrong, nobody argues with the facts. People over 50 control about 70% of
the wealth in the U.S., we are responsible for about half of all consumer
spending, and we dominate 94% of CPG categories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But who needs facts when you have fairy tales to keep you warm?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">One of the
most popular marketing fairy tales we hear is that if you want to sell cars, you have
to target young. Forget that people over 50 buy 62% of all new cars. If you’re
not targeting young, you’re old. I saw a great example of this recently.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">“Cadillac
still suffers from more of an older demographic,” declared Jessica Caldwell,
senior analyst with Edmunds.com. She was quoted in a <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/20/business/cadillac-makes-big-plan-to-woo-luxury-market.html?_r=0" target="_blank">NY Times article</a> reporting
Cadillac’s intention to up its luxury game by adding a new, larger sedan to
its lineup.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">Cadillac
no doubt suffers from a great many things (forgettable, unsexy products for
example), but an older demographic just ain’t one of ‘em. Especially as they
look to secure a place in the “elite class of top-level luxury cars,” as
Cadillac’s president Johan de Nysschen claims.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">Here’s
some news you might want to consider, Ms. Senior Analyst. The average age of a buyer
of BMW, Porsche, Maserati, Tesla, Ferrari, Mercedes-Benz, Rolls Royce, Lexus,
Bentley and every other top-level luxury car you can name is over 50.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="color: #262626; font-family: Arial;">But
fairy tales have power. Especially when propagated by “industry experts” who
really should know better.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-26403747167753468752014-09-22T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-22T00:01:00.912-07:00A message to millennials from Eugene O’Neill.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It is the happy privilege of
each generation to shit all over the generations that follow. And no generation
does it better than us boomers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But today, we’re going to
let Nobel laureate Eugene O’Neill tell millennials just how
disappointed we are in them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In 1939, the
playwright’s 19-year-old son Shane had been kicked out
of multiple schools and was floating from one self-indulgent activity to
another. (Sound familiar?) Apparently Dad was sick of Shane's bullshit. Here’s how he responded to the kid’s latest half-baked idea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-family: Arial;">"My advice on the subject of
raising horses would not be much use to you. I don’t know anyone in that game,
what conditions or prospects are, or anything else about it. All I know is that
if you want to get anywhere with it, or with anything else, you have got to
adopt an entirely different attitude from the one you have had toward getting
an education. In plain words, you’ve got to make up your mind to study
whatever you undertake, and concentrate your mind on it, and really work at
it…You simply have to face the prospect of starting at the bottom and spending
years learning how to do it."</i></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Substitute "raising horses" with "organizing a film festival in Machu Picchu" and this could have been written today.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-family: Arial;">"The trouble with you, I
think, is you are still too dependent on others. You expect too much from
outside you and demand too little of yourself. You hope everything will be made
smooth and easy for you by someone else. Well, it’s coming to the point where
you are old enough, and have been around enough, to see that this will get you
exactly nowhere. You will be what you make yourself and you have got to do that
job absolutely alone and on your own, whether you’re in school or holding down
a job."</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The tough love continues.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p> </o:p></span><i style="font-family: Arial;">"Any fool knows that to work
hard at something you want to accomplish is the only way to be happy…The more
you get to know of independence the better you will like it, and the more you
will get to know yourself and the right aim for your life."</i></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Ever the optimist, O'Neill ends the letter on a high note. Or maybe it's sarcasm.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-family: Arial;">"Let me know as soon as you
have any definite plans for the immediate future."</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Well apparently Shane wasn’t
quite ready to man up. Because in a subsequent letter, Dad’s frustration builds.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-family: Arial;">"…I assume that you have
decided to forget every word I said to you when you were here a year ago. And
it is pretty evident by what you haven’t done in the past year that you did not
think any of my advice worth taking."</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Love it! Passive aggression, guilt
and manipulation—the parenting trifecta!</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-family: Arial;">"You seem to have no
realization what is going on in the world. You write as if these were normal
times, in which a young man of twenty-one could decide exactly what job he
should choose as offering him the pleasantest prospect for a normal peacetime
career."</i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And just in
case he wasn’t yet fully understood, O'Neill drives his point home.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial;">"...it is a big disappointment that after all the talk a year ago you have done so
little to make yourself independent."</span></i> </blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Preach Eugene! Preach!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-34495214258809281612014-09-16T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-16T00:01:00.064-07:00Are you smarter than an advertiser? Take this simple quiz!<span style="font-family: Arial;">Get ready to see how you stack up
against the business world’s best and brightest.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>1. Who has the highest net
worth of any segment of the population?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> A) The hamsters in those Kia spots<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> B) The guy who invented Viagra<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> C) People over 50 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>2. People over 50 are
responsible for…</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> A) Everything that’s wrong with the world<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> B) Gluten-free pizza<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> C) Almost 50% of all consumer spending in the U.S.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>3. In two years, 50% of the
U.S. population will be…</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> A) Vegan<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> B) Amish<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> C) Over 50 years old<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>4. People over 50 spend $7
billion a year…</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> A) On kale<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> B) On Jimmy Buffett concerts<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> C) Shopping online<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>5. If Americans over 50 were a
country…</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> A) We’d invade France and eat all their snails<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> B) Our flag would feature two Lipitor and a marijuana
leaf <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> C) We’d have the third largest economy in the world,
just below the U.S. and China<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>6. Nielson calls this group
“The most valuable generation in the history of marketing”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> A) The Cowsills<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> B) Those guys who stand on the corner and spin big
arrows<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> C) People over 50<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">If you answered “C” to
everything, then <b>CONGRATULATIONS </b>my friend! You are definitely smarter than an
advertiser. Because despite the fact that people over 50 buy 62% of all new
cars, 55% of consumer packaged goods, half of all computers and dominate sales
in 94% of CPG categories, they are the target for only 5% of all U.S.
advertising.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">How stupid is that?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-21302544355046647122014-09-15T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-15T00:03:20.821-07:00Help is not on the way.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I’m
thinking about dying before I get old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Yesterday
was my father’s 90<sup>th</sup> birthday. He comes from hearty stock. His
parents lived well into their 80s and most of his siblings reached 90+. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This
scares the shit out of me. I absolutely <i>DO NOT</i> want to live that long. And if you had any
brains, you wouldn’t either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">By
2030, the U.S. will be in the middle of an enormous shortage of workers who can
care for the elderly. The population of people in the typical prime caregiving ages of
45-64 is expected to grow by only 1% by 2030. But people 80+
will grow by 80%. I'm no math genius, but that seems worrisome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><a href="http://www.aarp.org/content/dam/aarp/research/public_policy_institute/ltc/2013/baby-boom-and-the-growing-care-gap-insight-AARP-ppi-ltc.pdf" target="_blank">AARP predicts</a> that by 2030, there will be only four potential caregivers available for each
person over 80. By 2050, the ratio will drop below 3 to 1. This is down from a
high of 7 to 1 in 2010. Shit, I need 5 potential caregivers just to get me out of bed in the morning. This is potentially quite a bummer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Apparently
we’ll need more than <a href="http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/26/a-shortage-of-caregivers/" target="_blank">1.3 million new caregivers</a> over the next decade to meet
demand. Basically we’re screwed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Face
it kids, we’re not going to get the same care our parents got. Nobody’s coming
when we press the call button. We're on our own.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">This is particularly bad news for people like me afflicted with the longevity gene. I
mean, what the hell am I supposed to do for the next 40 years? Wipe my own ass?</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-52337431662400052992014-09-10T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-10T02:42:34.262-07:0010 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 50<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />The headline on The Today Show website got me -- <a href="http://www.today.com/health/9-things-i-wish-i-knew-i-turned-50-1D79990664" target="_blank">“9 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Turned 50”</a><br /><br />My first thought was, <i>“Only <span style="font-size: small;">nine</span>?”</i> My second was,<i> “Don’t they know you <span style="font-size: small;">shouldn't </span>begin a sentence with a numeral?”</i> The title of this post doesn’t count. (Stop being a prick.)<br /><br />My next thought was, <i>“This should be good.”</i> It wasn’t.<br /><br />It was cheerful of course. The Today Show website is legally required to be cheerful. And the writer, <a href="http://annabellegurwitch.com/blog2/" target="_blank">Annabelle Gurwitch</a>, has a breezy, irreverent style that I admire.<br /><br />But the <span style="font-size: small;">nine</span> things listed could not have been more inane. Plus they weren’t even numbered, which is a criminal offense on the internet. Anyway, here they are:</span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">- Floss more. </span></span></b><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">God, if only this were my biggest problem…</span></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>- It takes a village. </b><br /><i>Oh, please. The fucking village gag?</i><br /><br /><b>- Marvelous middling. </b><br /><i>Something about husbands and low-fat soy milk.</i><br /><br /><b>- Exercise dates. </b><br /><i>Jesus, can’t we just go out and get drunk once in a while?</i><br /><b><br />- Get a good bra. </b><br /><i>I'd rather get a good plastic surgeon<span style="font-size: small;">.</span></i><br /><br /><b>- Make peace with your mother. </b><br /><i>My mother’s dead.</i><br /><br /><b>- Cool it. </b><br /><i>Some bullshit about not embarrassing your kids. You know what? I haven't even started.</i><br /><br /><b>- Go for the joy. </b><br /><i>Oy.</i><br /><br /><b>- Some things are worth retiring. </b><br /><i>This list for example?</i></span> </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As far as I'm concerned, there's really only one thing I wish I knew before I turned 50: It's no fucking exercise date.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6442686935890698061.post-64821064987671989362014-09-08T00:01:00.000-07:002014-09-09T08:25:45.401-07:00At least we can find our vaginas.<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s 9 a.m. Do you know
where your vagina is?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In a recent <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2739552/Just-HALF-women-locate-vagina-diagram-female-reproductive-system.html" target="_blank">study</a> in
the UK, an amazing 50% of women aged 26-35 surveyed could not find a vagina on
a diagram. These are the famous millennials who we are counting on to fix the
world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> <i>Question:</i>
<i>Where is your vagina?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> <i>Answer:</i> <i>I
have no fucking idea.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I will remind you
that we’re not talking about rookies here. These gals have had this equipment
for upwards of 35 years. And they <i>still</i> can’t identify it in a lineup. In my
experience, it was only drunk college boys who had trouble finding the damn
thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">You know who can spot
one? Baby boomers. Yup, turns out we know our stuff. Eight in ten women
aged 66-75 can spot the ovaries and a whopping 90% can even show you around the
womb. (Assuming you want to be shown around.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Maybe familiarity
breeds familiarity. After 75 years, you pretty much know your body’s important
landmarks, including its major tourist attractions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It turns out
65% of young women also say they have a problem using the words vagina or vulva
(try <i>not</i> to think of that Seinfeld episode). And nearly 40% resort to
code names like “lady parts” or “women’s bits” when talking about, you know,
their women’s bits.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial;">There’s actually a
serious aspect to all this. In a country where 53 women a day are diagnosed with
some kind of gynecological cancer (U.S. numbers <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/gynecologic/" target="_blank">here</a>), one in ten 16-35 year olds in the UK said
they found it very hard to talk to their doctors about gynecological health.
And nearly a third said they avoided going to the gynecologist altogether because
they were embarrassed. This is just unacceptable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder how someone who can’t find her vagina can be expected to
find a gynecologist.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Anyway, as boomers,
we appreciate our many reasons to feel superior to millennials, with their
dewy skin and perky breasts (<i>located just below the collarbone, girls!</i>).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">And while we may not be
using our lady parts as often as we’d like, at least when we need ‘em we know
where to find ‘em.</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com23