You're only as old as people think you are.

My husband & I were in Nashville for our nephew’s wedding. The festivities were taking place outside. On a farm. 

Purchasing large quantities of bourbon seemed like an appropriate pre-game strategy.

That’s when I met Nick. He had me at “Can I see your I.D., ma’am?”

I couldn’t get my driver’s license out of my wallet fast enough. “You’re my favorite person in the whole wide world!” I gushed. I made my husband take this picture. Because it was my best day ever.

Then I started thinking about Hillary Clinton. She’s 67, and some people think she’s too old to be president. Especially her political opponents.

Rand Paul is concerned about whether she’s up for the “rigorous physical ordeal” of a presidential campaign. And Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnell and Bobby Jindal are on the record with bitchy little jabs at her advancing age.

This is, of course, Human Nature Politics 101: Identify a potential weakness in your opponent and exploit it. Democrats used the same ageist tactic on Reagan, Dole and McCain. Heck, Mrs. Clinton's husband used a similar attack on George H.W. Bush in 1996. No surprises here.

But it’s a comment from Rush Limbaugh that worries me. Not because it’s sexist and rude. But because it’s true.

During a radio show last year Limbaugh wondered aloud if the American people really "want to vote for somebody, a woman, and actually watch a woman get older before their eyes on a daily basis?"

Eew, gross! If I want to see that shit, I’ll buy a mirror. (Can I get a rimshot?)

Look, maybe Limbaugh’s a dick, maybe he's not. But he makes an excellent point. Nobody wants to watch women get old. Not in movies or magazines or sitcoms or commercials. Why would we want to see it in the White House?

The good news for Hillary however is that most Americans underestimate her age. In a recent Pew study, 83% of adults surveyed put her in the 65 & under category. Thirty one percent put her between 50 & 59 and 6% thought she was younger than 50.

Millennials are particularly bewildered. In answer to the question, “Just your best guess, how old is Hillary Clinton?” more than half thought she was in her 50s and 16% guessed younger than 50. If I were Hillary, I’d buy each one of those confused kids a pony.

Anyway, maybe this explains why my buddy Nick asked to see my I.D. Maybe Nick, like the rest of his generation, is just really really bad at guessing a woman’s age.

When my husband & I arrived at the reception with two bottles of bourbon, one awesome story and photographic proof in hand, I learned the truth. A fellow guest informed me that liquor stores in Tennessee are required to ask anyone and everyone to show their I.D. “Required,” she repeated. Slowly. For emphasis.

So, apparently I’m not as preternaturally youthful as my ego first assumed. Nick was just following orders. 

But c’mon! If Hillary Clinton can pass for 50, why can’t I get carded every once in a while?

Sellin' Helen.

I’m not always angry. Some days I wake up positively brimming with good cheer. Today is not one of those days.

But here’s something that doesn’t suck:

L’Oréal Paris just named Helen Mirren as a brand ambassador in the UK. In addition to being gorgeous and talented, Dame Helen is 69. (That’s about 175 in model years, BTW.) And yet, here she is looking all gorgeous and talented as the “new face” of L’Oréal.

Photo courtesy of L’Oréal Paris

This is a tiny bit of vindication for those of us who thumb through fashion magazines muttering about “skinny bitches” and “photo-shopped cleavage.” Okay, maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, Ms. Mirren isn’t the first dame (small “d”) L’Oréal has tapped to represent their brand. Julianne Moore (53), Andie MacDowell (56), Diane Keaton (68) and Jane Fonda (76) are also in the clique.

You know, maybe there’s something in the liquid eyeliner. 

NARS Cosmetics recently hired Tilda Swinton for their Spring 2015 efforts. The 53 year-old actress takes over for Charlotte Rampling (68). And Jessica Lange (64) was recently tapped by Marc Jacobs to plug the company’s luxury cosmetics line. We’re a long way from Lancôme famously dumping a too-old Isabella Rossellini just a few days after her 40^th birthday.

And guess what? These mature models haven’t sucked the cool out of the NARS and Marc Jacobs brands. And L’Oréal remains the largest cosmetic company in the world.

This trend—if I may be so boldly optimistic in my word choice—is a great sign. Perhaps cosmetics companies finally understand something other marketers just can’t seem to grasp: How to bravely, intelligently and unapologetically talk to the people who actually buy your stuff.

Why I'm mad at Renée Zellweger.

First of all, I’m not mad at Renée Zellweger for getting plastic surgery. It’s her choice, it's her face. Have at it.

And I don’t blame her one bit. She’s a 45 year-old actress in Hollywood. With or without an Academy Award, if you look your age you don’t get jobs. So she messes with her face to look younger. Perfectly understandable.

The sad part, of course, is that she may never work again because she no longer looks like Renée Zellweger. At any age.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no heartbroken fan. I can take her or leave her. And I’m not one of those anonymous turds who cleared their path to Dickheadsville with nasty, hateful tweets.

But I am mad at Renée Zellweger and here’s why: 

She’s denying it.

Well I guess if you believe People magazine (and who doesn’t?), the actress has neither confirmed nor denied having plastic surgery. But in my house, if you ain’t confiming, you’re denying.

From People:

"I'm glad folks think I look different! I'm living a different, happy, more fulfilling life, and I'm thrilled that perhaps it shows." 

“My friends say that I look peaceful. I am healthy.”

"People don’t know me in my 40s…Perhaps I look different. Who doesn't as they get older?! Ha. But I am different. I'm happy."

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Seriously sweetie pie, you’re not fooling anyone. Have you peeked at a mirror lately? It’s kinda obvious. And your coy “Oh, is my bliss showing?” act is embarrassing, insulting and getting on my last nerve.

Trust me, nobody believes that you simply woke up from a good night’s sleep looking like your third cousin, twice removed. So you got a little work done, so what?

Just put on your big girl pants and tell the truth. Stop perpetuating the fantasy that beauty is endless and happy people never get old.

You’re an actress, right? Act like a grownup.